Valentines Day.

Every Valentines Day I tend to care less and less about this ridiculous holiday. Previous to this V-day, I have set out to find at least SOMEone who will be my valentine. In the end I always do, but they're generally best guy friends who have no motive to even wish me 'Happy Valentines Day," Which led me to this year. This year I decided I was going to boycott Valentines Day and turn it solely into Single Awareness Day, where Kali and I spend the evening playing Wave Racer on N64 and wear lots and lots of black.

However, my plan this year has failed miserably. It seems as though when you're perfectly happy doing one thing, the opposite thing comes into play. Grrr. So this year, I had 2 dozen red roses delivered to my door. And reading the card, there's only one boy I know who would put "meh" in a part that's supposed to be sincere :) haha. So then I realized that I have way TOO many valentines this year. I set out with the sole purpose of just having one. And then I couldn't say no to all of them. Yes, I know. I'm a terrible person. But Kali didn't have one, so she became my female valentine, and then Jon was the one I wanted to begin with, so I asked him. And now he's my long distance valentine "/ And thennn Ryan asked and well, I couldn't say no. It's not like I already have a Provo valentine anyway. And then I decided to just screw it all and accept that I'm not going to be able to limit myself to just one. So now Dan's my ward valentine and Brandon's my best friend valentine.

All in all, I'm a terrible person for not having just one Valentine. But I figure, I'm not dating any of them so why tie myself down? K, that's really not what I'm thinking. I guess I'm mostly just thinking, Valentines Day should stay Single Awareness Day, because in my opinion, that's all Provo is anyway; Single. So I give up on trying to stand out with a relationship when I fit in so well without one :D

I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentines/ Single Awareness Day! Eat lotsandlots of candy! :D

Love.

Part 1: You taught me how to feel things inside me that I never thought anyone could feel. To this day, there are times when I wonder if I could ever love like that again. Ever feel so close to a person, and yet so far away. There were times when I felt like I could kill just for you to feel what I felt. It was a feeling almost tangible, and yet, not. For if it had been so, I could have then placed a finger on what it was I felt. It was stronger than any connection I have ever felt for any human being. And the next closest tangible thing I could connect it to would be fire. And yet, the feelings I felt could never have been returned. I loved you. And I think I would have laid my life down for you. I look back on my life and I miss it. I miss you. I miss being able to feel that way about someone. To know. To feel. To love. I miss it. I miss you.

Part 2: You are the reason I know what it is to feel loved. The feelings you showed me are unlike any feelings a person could express for me.You would have done absolutely anything for me, and I took that for granted. I loved you and I wish now you knew how much I wish I had made more of a note of that. You are and always will be my best friend. I am sorry for hurting you so immensely. I know now what it feels like to have so much love for a person and not have it returned. It's sad how a huge act must come into play for you look into the past and realized what it was that you missed out on. I loved you. I love you. You set a standard for me that I ignored, and that was foolish for me to do. You deserve better than that, and now you have it.

Part 3: You must know how much you hurt me. And yet, I have so much sympathy, so much empathy for the things you are going through. I hate myself for the things you put me through, but I hate even more what it is that you must now and have been going through. The obstacles you face I can so vividly remember. I love you. You are one of my dearest friends. I want more than anything for the future to be filled with good memories. To set aside these regrets and tainted recollections of the past. Please don't hurt. And please turn to me. You hurt me, but for that, I forgive you. As Ben Gibbard says repeatedly, someday you will be loved.

Part 4: To move on is a big step one must take. The heart has an incredible capacity to love, to hate, to break and to heal. It's so bizarre to me how much one can handle at a time. The feelings one can possess at one time, even. I have faith in the future. I have hope. For "I know my heart belongs to someone I've yet to meet."

The Pedial Chronicles- Day 2, 3, & 4.

So, day 2 isn't one that really matters, other than the fact that my beloved parents brought crutches to me, so I was able to hobble around a little bit. Previous to that, I had just been lying around the house all day. Then I went to Seven Eleven with Kali and Rachel. It was good to finally get out. I'm too ADD for being bedridden. Then, of course, Kal and I went back to her apartment and played Wave Racer.

Day 3:
My manager made me work on Thursday. And man, that was a bad time. A: My car overheated on the way to work. and B: My foot got more swollen at work than it had been the entire time it had been injured thus far. Anyway, I was able to sit all day, which was nice. But none-the-less, my foot still hurt. Then I finally left work and was able to drive home just barely. Then I waited for Dylan to take me to urgent care. That was actually a lot of fun. Haha. I was able to ride around in a wheel chair. And that was pretty cool. :D I got X- Rays for my foot and then we waited for the results. The doctor told me I have a contusion of the foot. Which is like giant bruise inside my foot. So YAYYY no damage was done! And I was able to sort of start walking on it. Though, I stayed on my crutches to be safe. So, then I went back to my apartment and hung out with Kali for awhile. And that's the end of day 3.

Day 4: My foot looks AWESOME. hahah. I didn't take pictures previous to this day. But basically my foot mostly just got more swollen. But DAY 4 my foot looked SOO bruised. It's hard to fully tell in the picture, but I'll post them anyway. Anyway, I am now able to fully walk on my foot, with the exception of a little limping. But my foot is mostly healed. And basically from this point on, things can only look up.

As for my car, I don't really know what to do. I don't know if I should bother getting it fixed right now. To be honest, I'm kind of just extremely compromised with it and feel like giving up. Looks like I'll be relying on the bus system once again...awesome. ughh.

Anyway, that's the end of the Pedial Chronicles Days 1, 2, & 3. :D Should anything else come up, I will be sure to blog about it.

The Pedial Chronicles- Day 1.

I meant to post this yesterday, but I was unable to, so I'm posting this now! So think of the time period as one day beforehand.

Well, last night I was hanging out with Kali...of course, and we decided to go swimming in a heated pool. So we ran out and Kali decided to fake push me in, so I jumped in, and landed on the side of my foot into a 3 foot pool. Extremely genius of me. One of my better choices if I do say so. Haha. Anyway, I said to Kali "I think I just hurt my foot." Of course she kind of just laughed it off. Then I said "Kal, I really think I just hurt my foot." So I asked her to move it back and forth to see if it was broken. Probably not the best thing to do. Anyway, I started really getting scared and lifted my foot. It appeared as though a bone was sticking out and Kali goes "dude, I that's gonna buise so bad tomorrow." hahahah. Oh boy. Anyway, I hobble up to the apartment. And I'm sure my foot was still numb from the shock so I was able to run on it.

Then we walked in and Kali's roommates, Annie, Kristen, Julianna, and our friend, James, were laughing because we were only out there for about 5 minutes. Then they realized something was wrong so they covered me in blankets as I told them what happened. The bump had gotten bigger and I was freaking out. Mostly because I didn't have health insurance, not because it hurt. Well, I called my parents and instantly began crying. Again, not because it hurt, but because I was scared of the consequences of a broken foot. Then, I sort of started going into shock because I was in a bikini and a tank top and I was frozen, and also crying really hard. So, I calmed myself down.

I wish I had taken a picture of it, but alas, I did not. Anyway, Kali's friend came over and iced it and told me not to waste money on going to the ER just yet and that I should ice it for the next two days. He said that if it was still swollen by then, that I should get it checked out and that it was most likely a torn ligament.

Well, then we played Wave Racer for an hour and Kal and Annie drove me home. And that is the end of The Pedial Chronicles- Day 1.

I'm Alive!

Sorry it keeps taking me so long to post blogs. Life has been absolutely crazy lately. Definitely the craziest it's been in months. Maybe even years. Haha. Anyways, I'm back to blog about it, so do not fear.

Well, this last weekend I was finally able to get my car back. It is absolutely INCREDIBLE to have it back. I don't know how I got along so well without it. However, I still ride the bus to school. I'm just going to park my car at the bus station and then take the bus from there. Because it A: Saves gas and B: Saves money I would otherwise spend on a school parking permit.

As of late, work has been killing me. It doesn't help that my sleeping schedule is extremely off. It's terrible! I go to bed at 2, and then wake up at 7 and that is about the most amount of sleep I will get. Other times I might only get 3 hours of sleep. Like last night, for instance. I shouldn't be complaining. It's my fault for setting it up that way, but I don't get tired until late anymore. And a certain boy in California is only online after 1:00 AM anyway, so it's the only time he's available to talk. Rather unfortunate.

Anyway, it wouldn't be so bad if my manager didn't expect so much from me now. As of late, she's been making me come in right after school on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It's absolutely killing me. I feel like I have no time for anything. And good thing I haven't had any big assignments, because I would be dead right now were that the case. Because of this, my day goes as follows:

School and/or work: 7:30-3:30
Go home and take a nap: 4-6 or 7.
Do whatever work I have to do: 7-9.
Hang out with Kali: 9-1.
MSN: 1-2.

Pretty moronic of me, I guess. I really should get more sleep. And I think I am going to get another job, because financially, I'm not doing so well. I make about 265 every 2 weeks. Which isn't even what the cost of rent is. So I have about 250 to spend on things that are necessary like gas and food, etc. It's hardly enough to get me by if I'm going to start paying cell phone bills and stuff like that as well as school. So I really do need another job. And more sleep. Haha.

Other than all of this, I am extremely happy with life. Having a car back makes me feel like I'm independent again. It's a good feeling.

Well, I promise to keep blogging. I am such a slacker! But I will catch up. I hope everyone is doing wonderfully!

Kel

cigarettes and chocolate milk.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I finally did it!


I went from blonde to brunette. no, not just brunette. DARK chocolate brown! Horrayyy!!!


I was incredibly nervous, but I've been planning it for quite some time. I think I may almost like it better than when I'm blonde. I can't believe I actually did it. Not only that, but that I finally picked a solid color that I'm content staying with! I have a feeling I'm going to stay a brunette for a very long long looooong time.

Before:



After:

Rebirth

Well, my camera has officially been brought back to life! I am so so happy! Yesterday I went out and did a photo shoot with one of my good friends, Rachel. It was so great. I missed that feeling so much. Being behind my beautiful camera. Anyway, I'll post some of those pictures on here. And if anyone wants pictures taken, you know where to find me! I guarantee my face will most likely be behind my lens for quite some time now.
Horray!