Sunday, February 28, 2010

Just out of curiosity...

Who actually reads my blog anymore?

Besides you, Marci. :)

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Turn it up.

Such. A. Bummer.

So, a couple of months ago my FM transmitter broke. Definitely one of the sadder days of my life. I didn't realize, until that day, how attached I was to that little devise. I've come to realize also, that there really isn't much point to having an 80g iPod either, when you have no place to listen to it. Back in Alaska, when I would walk to work, I used to tow that thing along with me for the 30 minute - hour walk I took each day. Especially on the sunny days. I felt like Gene Kelly in Singing in the Rain, when he's just dancing along the street. I'm sure the tourists that were packed into the sidewalks thought I was crazy, but the best part of working in Alaska was that I had the comfort of knowing I would never see those people ever again. So like it even mattered if I did a little happy dance on the way to work each day.

When I got back to Utah, the idea that I would finally be able to blast my music in my car again was just plain thrilling. So I was able to for awhile. Got caught up with all new music (new Brand New, new Muse, New Moon Soundtrack, you know, all the must-haves), and blasted it on my daily commute.

Then, tragedy occurred. And with the death of my transmitter, comes practical death of new music. Aside from the fact that I am now an x96 guru, so I can occasionally catch some new tunes on there, and also, having a best friend who is still very much "in the know" of music (thank you, Kali), I'm practically dead to the music world. I really hope I can afford a new FM transmitter soon. Because I am oh so lost without you.

That being said, I also want to give a shout out to my Baby. Oh, Lexus ES250, you have made it so far without a breakdown. I am just so proud of you. And also, I hope that in saying this, I'm not jinxing anything so that when I go out to my car in 10 minutes, the engine doesn't suddenly shut down. Thanks for being such a dysfunctionally good college student car, and please, oh, please, at least last me a couple more years. Thanks!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Sun, sun, sun.

I. miss. Summer.

Like, really.

I am soooo ready for this winter to be over. I have not seen the sun in far too long, and I'm just ready for it. I blame Alaska for this. There was one week in Alaska that it got
up to 90 degrees, so I really don't have that much right to whine, but really? 1 week? come on.

Judging by the picture below, can you even tell it's 80 degrees outside? no. You can't. Why? Because it's ALASKA. So, onto my next point.

I miss UTAH summers.

Going swimming? You bet we were.

I miss having a killer tan! And the way my eyes are a billion times greener in the sun! Or Jeremy making really cool faces....Okay, so this is in California, but you get my point.

Rolling in the grass, laughing, and having absolutely no cares in the world.

So looking through my facebook pictures has made me realize I need to be a little bit better at taking pictures of the summer time. All the more reason for summer to get here FASTER!

It's been almost two years since I've been swimming. sun bathing. slip n' sliding. driving in my car blasting my summer soundtracks (old-old All American Rejects, Alphabeat, Mates of State, Noah & The Whale...and on and on and on..) with the windows down, had a picnic, worn a tank top or sun dress (for longer than a week, anyway).

I want summer. Is that so much to ask for??

Monday, February 15, 2010

All we are, we are.

This past month has been one of the hardest months of my life. I'm trying so hard to get myself out of the rut I'm in, and nothing good is seeming to come of it. I'm extremely scared of the future and what's in store for me if I don't fix things.

I'm working an extremely part time job that gives me a maximum of 10 hours a week. Leaving me with a $50-100 paycheck. My rent is $345.00 and my cell phone bill averages about $100.00. It doesn't take a mathematician to see that I'm not exactly making end's meet. I'm scared to death, and honestly without the help of Brandon, I would be completely lost and more than likely, homeless. I've been trying non-stop to find a job. Applying to at least 10-20 jobs a day anywhere between Provo and Salt Lake. Nothing is happening, and I really have no idea what to do anymore. I plan on selling my brand new MacBook Pro, in hopes that it will hold me over until April. I'm not really sure what I'll do after that, but it seems to be the most viable option.

Anyway. As a nice little add-on, a series of unfortunate events led up to a very unfortunate loss. A few weeks ago, I sliced my big toenail almost in half, half way down the nail. I researched online for any quick fixes, and I found some suggestions to use super glue. I didn't really think about the necessity to sanitize, therefore sealing in all that yucky bacteria, and well, two weeks later I'm on the operating table in urgent care having my toenail removed. Needless to say, it was definitely one of the most unpleasant experiences I've ever been through. I've found that I don't really enjoy having two needles poked all the way through my toe through 4 different nerves, or the shot through the bottom of my toe...orrr the tiny little shots that went all over my toe thereafter.

In all honesty, having my toenail removed generally wouldn't discourage me very much, aside from having to wait 6 months - 1 year for my nail to completely heal. But I guess what's most discouraging is that it's holding me back from just getting myself out there and handing my resume out to any businesses that will accept it. I'm just SO discouraged. About life, about my future, about my finances. I want to just get married so badly and to just go back to school, and to sell my car for a more functional one. But all of that is at a complete standstill until I have a steady income, and it's all around just plain frustrating.

I don't mean to vent about how terrible life is, because in all reality, it's not terrible at all. Right now, my car is driving okay. Which is more than I could ask for. I have a family that supports me, and gives me hope. I have a best friend who is there for me whenever I need her, to change my yucky bandages and hold my hand through the toughest of situations, and last of all, I have a boyfriend who supports me and makes me feel like even at the darkest of times, there is hope for me, and there is hope in our future. I'm grateful for life, and I'm grateful for the trials I have, because I know that once I'm out of it, I will do everything in my power to not find myself in this position again.

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