Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Valentines Day.

Every Valentines Day I tend to care less and less about this ridiculous holiday. Previous to this V-day, I have set out to find at least SOMEone who will be my valentine. In the end I always do, but they're generally best guy friends who have no motive to even wish me 'Happy Valentines Day," Which led me to this year. This year I decided I was going to boycott Valentines Day and turn it solely into Single Awareness Day, where Kali and I spend the evening playing Wave Racer on N64 and wear lots and lots of black.

However, my plan this year has failed miserably. It seems as though when you're perfectly happy doing one thing, the opposite thing comes into play. Grrr. So this year, I had 2 dozen red roses delivered to my door. And reading the card, there's only one boy I know who would put "meh" in a part that's supposed to be sincere :) haha. So then I realized that I have way TOO many valentines this year. I set out with the sole purpose of just having one. And then I couldn't say no to all of them. Yes, I know. I'm a terrible person. But Kali didn't have one, so she became my female valentine, and then Jon was the one I wanted to begin with, so I asked him. And now he's my long distance valentine "/ And thennn Ryan asked and well, I couldn't say no. It's not like I already have a Provo valentine anyway. And then I decided to just screw it all and accept that I'm not going to be able to limit myself to just one. So now Dan's my ward valentine and Brandon's my best friend valentine.

All in all, I'm a terrible person for not having just one Valentine. But I figure, I'm not dating any of them so why tie myself down? K, that's really not what I'm thinking. I guess I'm mostly just thinking, Valentines Day should stay Single Awareness Day, because in my opinion, that's all Provo is anyway; Single. So I give up on trying to stand out with a relationship when I fit in so well without one :D

I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentines/ Single Awareness Day! Eat lotsandlots of candy! :D

Thursday, February 7, 2008


Part 1: You taught me how to feel things inside me that I never thought anyone could feel. To this day, there are times when I wonder if I could ever love like that again. Ever feel so close to a person, and yet so far away. There were times when I felt like I could kill just for you to feel what I felt. It was a feeling almost tangible, and yet, not. For if it had been so, I could have then placed a finger on what it was I felt. It was stronger than any connection I have ever felt for any human being. And the next closest tangible thing I could connect it to would be fire. And yet, the feelings I felt could never have been returned. I loved you. And I think I would have laid my life down for you. I look back on my life and I miss it. I miss you. I miss being able to feel that way about someone. To know. To feel. To love. I miss it. I miss you.

Part 2: You are the reason I know what it is to feel loved. The feelings you showed me are unlike any feelings a person could express for me.You would have done absolutely anything for me, and I took that for granted. I loved you and I wish now you knew how much I wish I had made more of a note of that. You are and always will be my best friend. I am sorry for hurting you so immensely. I know now what it feels like to have so much love for a person and not have it returned. It's sad how a huge act must come into play for you look into the past and realized what it was that you missed out on. I loved you. I love you. You set a standard for me that I ignored, and that was foolish for me to do. You deserve better than that, and now you have it.

Part 3: You must know how much you hurt me. And yet, I have so much sympathy, so much empathy for the things you are going through. I hate myself for the things you put me through, but I hate even more what it is that you must now and have been going through. The obstacles you face I can so vividly remember. I love you. You are one of my dearest friends. I want more than anything for the future to be filled with good memories. To set aside these regrets and tainted recollections of the past. Please don't hurt. And please turn to me. You hurt me, but for that, I forgive you. As Ben Gibbard says repeatedly, someday you will be loved.

Part 4: To move on is a big step one must take. The heart has an incredible capacity to love, to hate, to break and to heal. It's so bizarre to me how much one can handle at a time. The feelings one can possess at one time, even. I have faith in the future. I have hope. For "I know my heart belongs to someone I've yet to meet."

Saturday, February 2, 2008

The Pedial Chronicles- Day 2, 3, & 4.

So, day 2 isn't one that really matters, other than the fact that my beloved parents brought crutches to me, so I was able to hobble around a little bit. Previous to that, I had just been lying around the house all day. Then I went to Seven Eleven with Kali and Rachel. It was good to finally get out. I'm too ADD for being bedridden. Then, of course, Kal and I went back to her apartment and played Wave Racer.

Day 3:
My manager made me work on Thursday. And man, that was a bad time. A: My car overheated on the way to work. and B: My foot got more swollen at work than it had been the entire time it had been injured thus far. Anyway, I was able to sit all day, which was nice. But none-the-less, my foot still hurt. Then I finally left work and was able to drive home just barely. Then I waited for Dylan to take me to urgent care. That was actually a lot of fun. Haha. I was able to ride around in a wheel chair. And that was pretty cool. :D I got X- Rays for my foot and then we waited for the results. The doctor told me I have a contusion of the foot. Which is like giant bruise inside my foot. So YAYYY no damage was done! And I was able to sort of start walking on it. Though, I stayed on my crutches to be safe. So, then I went back to my apartment and hung out with Kali for awhile. And that's the end of day 3.

Day 4: My foot looks AWESOME. hahah. I didn't take pictures previous to this day. But basically my foot mostly just got more swollen. But DAY 4 my foot looked SOO bruised. It's hard to fully tell in the picture, but I'll post them anyway. Anyway, I am now able to fully walk on my foot, with the exception of a little limping. But my foot is mostly healed. And basically from this point on, things can only look up.

As for my car, I don't really know what to do. I don't know if I should bother getting it fixed right now. To be honest, I'm kind of just extremely compromised with it and feel like giving up. Looks like I'll be relying on the bus system once again...awesome. ughh.

Anyway, that's the end of the Pedial Chronicles Days 1, 2, & 3. :D Should anything else come up, I will be sure to blog about it.

Blog Template by - Bauble images by Clarice Gomes