Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Pedial Chronicles- Day 1.

I meant to post this yesterday, but I was unable to, so I'm posting this now! So think of the time period as one day beforehand.

Well, last night I was hanging out with Kali...of course, and we decided to go swimming in a heated pool. So we ran out and Kali decided to fake push me in, so I jumped in, and landed on the side of my foot into a 3 foot pool. Extremely genius of me. One of my better choices if I do say so. Haha. Anyway, I said to Kali "I think I just hurt my foot." Of course she kind of just laughed it off. Then I said "Kal, I really think I just hurt my foot." So I asked her to move it back and forth to see if it was broken. Probably not the best thing to do. Anyway, I started really getting scared and lifted my foot. It appeared as though a bone was sticking out and Kali goes "dude, I that's gonna buise so bad tomorrow." hahahah. Oh boy. Anyway, I hobble up to the apartment. And I'm sure my foot was still numb from the shock so I was able to run on it.

Then we walked in and Kali's roommates, Annie, Kristen, Julianna, and our friend, James, were laughing because we were only out there for about 5 minutes. Then they realized something was wrong so they covered me in blankets as I told them what happened. The bump had gotten bigger and I was freaking out. Mostly because I didn't have health insurance, not because it hurt. Well, I called my parents and instantly began crying. Again, not because it hurt, but because I was scared of the consequences of a broken foot. Then, I sort of started going into shock because I was in a bikini and a tank top and I was frozen, and also crying really hard. So, I calmed myself down.

I wish I had taken a picture of it, but alas, I did not. Anyway, Kali's friend came over and iced it and told me not to waste money on going to the ER just yet and that I should ice it for the next two days. He said that if it was still swollen by then, that I should get it checked out and that it was most likely a torn ligament.

Well, then we played Wave Racer for an hour and Kal and Annie drove me home. And that is the end of The Pedial Chronicles- Day 1.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I'm Alive!

Sorry it keeps taking me so long to post blogs. Life has been absolutely crazy lately. Definitely the craziest it's been in months. Maybe even years. Haha. Anyways, I'm back to blog about it, so do not fear.

Well, this last weekend I was finally able to get my car back. It is absolutely INCREDIBLE to have it back. I don't know how I got along so well without it. However, I still ride the bus to school. I'm just going to park my car at the bus station and then take the bus from there. Because it A: Saves gas and B: Saves money I would otherwise spend on a school parking permit.

As of late, work has been killing me. It doesn't help that my sleeping schedule is extremely off. It's terrible! I go to bed at 2, and then wake up at 7 and that is about the most amount of sleep I will get. Other times I might only get 3 hours of sleep. Like last night, for instance. I shouldn't be complaining. It's my fault for setting it up that way, but I don't get tired until late anymore. And a certain boy in California is only online after 1:00 AM anyway, so it's the only time he's available to talk. Rather unfortunate.

Anyway, it wouldn't be so bad if my manager didn't expect so much from me now. As of late, she's been making me come in right after school on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It's absolutely killing me. I feel like I have no time for anything. And good thing I haven't had any big assignments, because I would be dead right now were that the case. Because of this, my day goes as follows:

School and/or work: 7:30-3:30
Go home and take a nap: 4-6 or 7.
Do whatever work I have to do: 7-9.
Hang out with Kali: 9-1.
MSN: 1-2.

Pretty moronic of me, I guess. I really should get more sleep. And I think I am going to get another job, because financially, I'm not doing so well. I make about 265 every 2 weeks. Which isn't even what the cost of rent is. So I have about 250 to spend on things that are necessary like gas and food, etc. It's hardly enough to get me by if I'm going to start paying cell phone bills and stuff like that as well as school. So I really do need another job. And more sleep. Haha.

Other than all of this, I am extremely happy with life. Having a car back makes me feel like I'm independent again. It's a good feeling.

Well, I promise to keep blogging. I am such a slacker! But I will catch up. I hope everyone is doing wonderfully!


Friday, January 18, 2008

cigarettes and chocolate milk.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I finally did it!

I went from blonde to brunette. no, not just brunette. DARK chocolate brown! Horrayyy!!!

I was incredibly nervous, but I've been planning it for quite some time. I think I may almost like it better than when I'm blonde. I can't believe I actually did it. Not only that, but that I finally picked a solid color that I'm content staying with! I have a feeling I'm going to stay a brunette for a very long long looooong time.



Sunday, January 13, 2008


Well, my camera has officially been brought back to life! I am so so happy! Yesterday I went out and did a photo shoot with one of my good friends, Rachel. It was so great. I missed that feeling so much. Being behind my beautiful camera. Anyway, I'll post some of those pictures on here. And if anyone wants pictures taken, you know where to find me! I guarantee my face will most likely be behind my lens for quite some time now.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Dear Everyone,

I would like you all to know how very upset I am with myself for selling it to my roommate when I could have probably sold it for 100 bucks. But it's alright. BECAUSE my roommate, Michelle is in debt by, like, 4,000 dollars. So I don't feel so bad. And also, she has a lot of the same musical interests in me. so she didn't delete any music. And yes, Kali. I know, I know. We have the EXACT same taste in music. But I feel the need to give it to people who are in poverty. Yes, I tend to exaggerate. But anyway. I feel like I've done justice unto the world by doing so.
Well, adios!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Hello family and friends!

Sorry I haven't written for some time! I'm a lot better at updating my blog than Kali, however. So that's a plus! Anyway, I just really haven't had anything to written about really because my life has been so simple lately. But now I finally have things to write about!

Life has been sooo so good to me lately. And I am so blessed right now, even though, once again my car is in the shop.

So here are the updates:

-The roommates for which I cannot stand and have caused A LOT more drama than necessary are moving out tomorrow. YEAH!
-And Kimmy West is moving in tomorrow too! I'm so excited!
-Kali comes home on monday!
-I started school on friday and this is my new schedule:

English - 8-8:50
Humanities- 9- 9:50
Music- 10- 10:50
Portuguese- 11- 11:50

Nu Skin- 7:30- 3:30

English - 8-8:50
Humanities- 9- 9:50
Music- 10- 10:50
Portuguese- 11- 11:50

Nu Skin- 7:30- 3:30

English - 8-8:50
Humanities- 9- 9:50
Music- 10- 10:50
Portuguese- 11- 11:50

Nu Skin- 12:30- 3:30

And I'm hoping to get another job soon as well working with photography.

I also FINALLY bought an 80G iPod classic. and my life is complete! I lost my iPod for a short time there and finally found it after I bought my 80G so I sold it to my roommate for 50 bucks. Which is awesome because the screen is all cracked from the sun.

My car is once again in the shop. Surprise surprise. The windshield wipers are broken this time, which ultimately makes it impossible to drive in the snow. So I'm figuring out transportation and depending a lot on the bus system, but it's also nice to not waste gas I guess.

Anyway, I hope everyone else is doing really well! I love all of you very much.


Tuesday, January 1, 2008

My Camas Upbringing.

I don’t know why exactly it is, but for some reason, I can only get inspiration to write when I am in Camas. As I was driving to the airport this morning with Afton’s mom and dad, I received this overwhelming feeling to just write. That hasn’t happened to me in over a year. And I miss that. I miss the ability to just write freely about anything and everything. But here it is. The inspiration. I guess you could say Camas is kind of like a muse to me.

This trip, more than any other, brought back a lot of memories. Things I had completely forgotten or blocked out. The drive to the Fullmer’s is a long one because they live out in the middle of no where. But riding out there brought back a rush of memories. Back when I was in love with my best friend, Austin McCormick. Oh, how much I loved him. And the two of us, we were like two peas in a pod, minus the fact that I had feelings for him that go far past friendship. He was there for me, and I was there for him. I remember New Years Eve and New Years exactly 3 years ago. He came over to my house to watch the ball drop. My family was absolutely crazy about him. It was one of the best New Years I can remember. We went snowboarding for my first time ever the next day. One of my best memories I have of him. We haven’t talked in a long time. And he’s on a mission now, but I miss him so much. I even had a dream about him the other night.

In high school, there were always a lot of cliques. Obvious statement, I know. There were the preps, jocks, the nerds, the scene kids, and of course, the hardcore kids. There’s not much of an Indie scene in high school as there is in college. In Provo, that’s really all there is. The zoobs, and the indie kids. But in high school, it was always the hardcore kids I spent my time with. My musical obsession started in high school as well as my photography infatuation. I didn’t think there was so much drama in those cliques until I came back to find it overwhelming. I miss being part of that crowd. But then, I don’t really miss the drama.

Last night, a big group of people met up at Red Robin. There was Tony, Afton, Stevie, Camille, Maria, Daniel, Skyler, Turner, Eric and Ryan. A big melting pot of random people. A lot of them didn’t even know anyone in the group. Ryan was one of those people. I’ve never really talked about this up until now, but Ryan Wolk is my ex boyfriend, er- I guess that’s what you can call him. We can’t really figure out if what we had was even considered a relationship, but just go with it. If you knew me in high school, I was always extremely fickle. Especially with boys. Take Zack Whittle for instance. I always liked him when he didn’t like me and he liked me when I didn’t like him. Coincidence? I think not. I took a French class my junior and senior year of high school. There I met Ryan. I was in love with Austin until the end of junior year, so Ryan was definitely an interest, but I focused most of my attention on Austin. And a little on Zack too. French class is by far one of my best accumulated memories that I have. I would trade just about anything to relive it. The French teacher, Mr. Minder, loved me up until Ryan left and then hated me as soon as he was gone. So I guess you could say it was more that he loved Ryan, and since Ryan liked me, Minder went with it.

Anyway, Ryan graduated, and we started talking more and more. He was off at college in Western Washington, but I started liking him a lot. He was my best friend in the entire world, as it started out to be. But I was too immature for it, and I couldn’t handle the commitment of a real relationship. Then he came home and we decided to test the waters. Over this time, Ryan fell in love with me. And up until now, I didn’t realize that the same reaction was happening to me. However, I freaked out being the normal hormonal high school junior [though really, my hormones messed me up a bit and sent me flying back to the freshman mindset. Long story.] and I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t talk to him for about 2 weeks and over that time, decided that I was serious about getting into a relationship with him. However, when I talked to him again, I found from one of my best friends, that my best friend, Amber and Ryan kissed while I was thinking things over. I admit, I should not have just completely shut him out, but my own best friends backstabbing me like that was a little painful too. For a time I wanted to have nothing to do with either of them. Then eventually I came around. To Ryan, anyway. Amber never actually apologized, and I haven’t really spoken to her since then. Ryan and I started talking again, and when he went back, we started dating again. It went off and on like so for about 2 months. Finally, I decided it couldn’t work. His Atheism and my Mormonism conflicted a bit. Along with me moving to Utah. A couple weeks after, he started dating a girl and I moved to Utah. That was the end of it.

We had a deep in depth conversation about it yesterday at Red Robin, and I finally realized that I was in love with him at the time. I was foolish to not realize what he would have given up for me. He cared about me more than anyone ever has. And I was an idiot to ever turn it down. I think it’s the only thing I’ve ever honestly regretted. But he’s my best friend, and that’s all I could ever ask for. I want more than anything for him to have what he deserves. And he does, and I think that’s all I could ever hope for. Other than for me to find what it is I am looking for. It really got me thinking and realizing that I could do so much better than what I’ve put up with. I’ve been wanted. I’ve been loved. But by two separate people. I need to put two and two together and realize that he’s out there. I just have to realize it and wait.

Washington holds so much of the love and inspiration that I feel. There are places there that I just feel it. Just driving through the little redneck town makes me feel at home. I miss that. Early this morning we drove past JDZ and Camas High School. I remember the feeling of waking up early to catch the bus. Walking through the wet grass toward the school building and running into people before school. Sitting in the library with friends or going to the lunch box for hot chocolate. Singing in the choir room before 1st period. Or playing on the pole on the playground before class at the elementary school. Going to track practice after school in the springtime when the grass was still covered in dew. I remember it all so vividly. I remember late start days when my mom would take us to Squeeze and Grind for hazelnut hot chocolate and tuxedo muffins. This is where I grew up, this is what my years of growth consisted of. This is what made me the person I am now.

Utah is home for me now. But Washington will always hold a place in my heart. Not just the people, but the memories. It may sound cheesy or lame, but it’s real and this is how I actually feel. I am so blessed to have the experiences and the memories that I have. And I am grateful for the decisions that have led me to where I am now.


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