Thursday, February 7, 2008


Part 1: You taught me how to feel things inside me that I never thought anyone could feel. To this day, there are times when I wonder if I could ever love like that again. Ever feel so close to a person, and yet so far away. There were times when I felt like I could kill just for you to feel what I felt. It was a feeling almost tangible, and yet, not. For if it had been so, I could have then placed a finger on what it was I felt. It was stronger than any connection I have ever felt for any human being. And the next closest tangible thing I could connect it to would be fire. And yet, the feelings I felt could never have been returned. I loved you. And I think I would have laid my life down for you. I look back on my life and I miss it. I miss you. I miss being able to feel that way about someone. To know. To feel. To love. I miss it. I miss you.

Part 2: You are the reason I know what it is to feel loved. The feelings you showed me are unlike any feelings a person could express for me.You would have done absolutely anything for me, and I took that for granted. I loved you and I wish now you knew how much I wish I had made more of a note of that. You are and always will be my best friend. I am sorry for hurting you so immensely. I know now what it feels like to have so much love for a person and not have it returned. It's sad how a huge act must come into play for you look into the past and realized what it was that you missed out on. I loved you. I love you. You set a standard for me that I ignored, and that was foolish for me to do. You deserve better than that, and now you have it.

Part 3: You must know how much you hurt me. And yet, I have so much sympathy, so much empathy for the things you are going through. I hate myself for the things you put me through, but I hate even more what it is that you must now and have been going through. The obstacles you face I can so vividly remember. I love you. You are one of my dearest friends. I want more than anything for the future to be filled with good memories. To set aside these regrets and tainted recollections of the past. Please don't hurt. And please turn to me. You hurt me, but for that, I forgive you. As Ben Gibbard says repeatedly, someday you will be loved.

Part 4: To move on is a big step one must take. The heart has an incredible capacity to love, to hate, to break and to heal. It's so bizarre to me how much one can handle at a time. The feelings one can possess at one time, even. I have faith in the future. I have hope. For "I know my heart belongs to someone I've yet to meet."


Jan said...

Wow Kelli, That was pretty passionate writing. Please tell your mom that it was a short story without a title???? I love you sweetheart and I'm grateful that you're finding your way back home!


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